Profusely.


Its been a long time since i've fallen sick.

I think my body's trying to tell me to take a break.

Which i will.

Some time in December that is.

2007, end sooner please.

Why? Cos so far, 2007 sucks.

Convocation not withstanding.


pro·fuse /prəˈfyus/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[pruh-fyoos] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1.
spending or giving freely and in large amount, often to excess; extravagant (often fol. by in): profuse praise.
2.
made or done freely and abundantly: profuse apologies.
3.
abundant; in great amount.


In my case, its my snot, or rather, water that seems to be running like a tap to no end.

My eyes are also watery.

My head is heavy and i just want to sleep it off.

I was roused at 2.30am this morning by my sister's sewing.

And thus after that, i couldn't go back to sleep.

And my face, especially under my eyes have been puffy.

*muka aku macam retain water*

Not a pretty sight.

5.30pm....come sooner!


Fin.

Pardon Me.


Pardon me for the lack of updates.

I have been f***ing knackered beyond belief.

Ooops. Excuse my french.

I've been temping at ITE HQ at Dover.

So that means that i have to get up even earlier and travel all the way to the West side of the island.

And i hate to say this but i am your typical kiasu Singaporean.

I will practically RUN for an empty seat.

Cmon. If you had to travel from yishun to jurong east interchange WOULD you stand?

And my bedtime has consistently gotten earlier and earlier.

And sometimes i feel like there are heavy weights on my eyes when im in the office.

What with the airconditioning at a very nice and comfortable setting which is VERY conducive for sleeping.

So yes.

I will make rare appeareances on this very dusty blog until the next month.

So toodles now cos the bed is calling.


Fin.


p.s.: i passed my ept!

I Hate That I STILL Love You.


With all the developments that have been going on,

*plus the Raya madness that is still going strong*

it comes as no surprise that i havent had time to blog.

side-track:Rihanna and Ne-Yo's song have been playing incessantly in my head and its disturbing how much this song affects me.


Besides the loss of one of my main income sources come this november and december, i have been scouring all over for something to tide me over.

Alhamdullillah, He has answered my prayers.

This year...wow...so many surprises and changes.

Changes that im still trying to adjust to.

Aaaarrgghhhh..there are days that i would just love to scream my head off in agony.

I am frustrated at some level but somehow strangely settled.

Forgive me for being so vague.

I am tired from all the Raya-ing.

And i have been unwillingly volunteered for my mom's perjumpaan raya RGS and RI.

And then another perjumpaan raya under ASSIIUM.

The madness.

To all frens in UIA still having exams : ALL THE BEST!

Now let me continue wallowing in my misery.


Fin.


p/s: Nora, i'll do the thing soon yah. sorry lah...no mood lah.

400


Like some i'm unhappy.

Why?

Cos i JUST realised like a few minutes ago that my pic that was taken at my grandparents place did not have ME in it!

Boooooo hooooo...

And now i have NO gambar raya of that particular baju.

Darn.

Haiyohhhh...so suay.

Anyway, i think its fitting that this is the 4ooth post.

Cos i just want to say that I, Maryam Mohammad Sesth, had to take the EPT (that is the english proficiency test for those of you not in the know) today.

Yes, Maryam Mohammad Sesth, the English Graduate, had to sit for the NIE/NTU EPT in order to be considered for a teaching post.

Go figure!

So yes, i came back at around 4.30pm after sitting for a whole day of testing.

ORAL & WRITTEN paper.

*it really does insult my intelligence to be treated this way...hmmmpppfff*

But anyway, i had a bit of a leg up on the listening comprehension section.

It was a passage about "Introduction To Language".

Hohohoho...and truly enough i could answer one question without even listening to the passage.

So that means out of a hundred questions, im guaranteed ONE correct answer.

Hahah.

Honestly, i'm like dead tired!

I have been baking biscuits and cookies and i smell like cookie dough.

I've also been busy baking cakes (where i still gladly accept orders, SGD25 for a 1-1.5kg moist choc cake).

One truly satisfied customer is Nurul Khasanah Binte Agost.

Pls ask her if u are not convinced heheh.

So besides smelling like cake mixture and cookie dough, i also smell of paint fumes.

Yeah i FINALLY managed to finish off the last few bits on the wall, those tricky corners. And mind you, i had to do it ALONE.

Yes, i have been a one man show for the past few months. Especially during THIS particular Ramadhan.

Alhamdullillah, our family did not miss a single sahur session. Amin.

So now i want to wish all my Muslim friends in singapore and abroad a very merry Eid.

Eid Mubarak to all of you.

If i have in any way hurt your feelings or have been harsh and rude towards you, please forgive me. For I am only a human being. With that said:


To Err is Human, To Forgive; Divine.


Fin.

Hahahaha!


You guys should check this out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d12q_60SkL0


Stupidly funny.

Hahahaha...

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Fin.

Disconsolately Yours.


Its been a rough couple of weeks.

Especially with my sleeping patterns so out of whack these days.

At this moment, ive practically reached my breaking point.

With my student driving me up the wall with her lack of focus and drive.

And i'm the one who's nervous cos she's going to be sitting for her PSLE's next week.

Oh God. Pls help her. She really needs some divine intervention at this point of time.

'Cos i obviously can't make miracles.

On other fronts, well...lets just say i'm a bit upset with things.

It doesn't matter that i've even got an honours degree.

Cos it just doesn't cut it for them.

But my spirit is definitely not broken. I will continue trying.

I will DIE trying.

Cos at this stage, really, i literally have nothing to lose.

I feel lost.

I feel traumatised not being in a classroom with desks and chairs and books and lecturers/teachers around me.

If you ask my best friends, they will definitely say that i adore school.

To the point that one of them said that i was so revolting cos i was a teacher's pet.

Haha.

It definitely carried on all the way till uni.

Can't help it if i have the people skills to win them over do i? *hahahahaha*

Still, i don't seem to be winning people over right now.

Which is defnitely making me one very frustrated woman.


Fin.

Inconsolable.


That's how i feel right now.

If u manage to get hear the song (yes, it is the BSB).

I'm still not over them if you're wondering.


Why inconsolable?

Just because of all the things that have happened of late.

Is it a sign of permanence?

And the irritability recently, has gone through the roof.

Stop asking THE question.

Ask me something else.

I'm not about to be made a fool AGAIN.

Not so soon anyway.


Ramadhan is here again.

Wow. A complete turn around compared to last year.

And we're back to square one.

My whole life seems to be about repetition.

The way i see it: its like a bad record that keeps on playing.

The screeching tones and melody that jars all the memories of past.

Forgive my incoherent ramblings of a lost soul.


Missing the ramadhan & iftars under the blue tiled roofs...


Fin.

Delayed

Sorry for the long absence. Its just been crazy and tiring.

A lot of unexpected things happened last week.
With one of them being me going back to singapore only on a thursday on an executive coach
(which cost me a friggin' RM60)

Well its not so bad considering i got to sleep all the way from KL to Yong Peng. That's like more than a 3 hr nap.

So really.
I'm not complaining.

Save for the fact the the weather was extreme.

It was scorching hot one minute then pouring like it never rained for months.

So how was the convocation like you ask?

It was awesome with a capital A!

I'll just let the rest of the pics do the talking for me.

Enjoy!

Me & my singaporean mates

zafirah & me.
hey! we did it girl!

thanks for all the times u let me bunk at your place during exams! :D
love u suli! <3

me & my chuffed parents

'cos im always going to be daddy's girl! :D

this is becos adam took the best pic so it deserves to go here, hehe.

I daresay that this is the proudest moment in my life!

All the tears and the slogging and the commuting.

It was all worth it.

It wouldn't be complete without my supportive grandparents that have seen me through my dengue fever, my food poisoning and fever moments.

Thankfully they saw me through all those times. I wouldn't have gotten through it were it not for them.

And of course my rascal of a brother. For always making "my-blood-go-upstairs".

Hohoho.

Anyway, most of my pics will go up on my multiply soon. So keep reading yeah.

For all the times that i thought i wouldn't survive.

Thank you Allah for blessing me with the best parents ever.

Amin.

Fin.

What Have We Here?

My thoughts just meandered their way here...

Fin.

4 more days...


Its 4 days till i leave for KL.

For a break between the tuition-ing.

Thank God.

Speaking of tuition, i received my payment on thursday and proceeded to put the money into the bank account.

And that particular night, the depositing machine decided to swallow up my money. The machine read: Transaction Error. Your money has been kept in the machine for safety purposes.

Bah.

Yes. And i had to call the bank to find out where my money went.

The customer service officer told me that this unfortunate incident that i had placed myself in was to be put in investigation.

But all is well now.

I got an sms frm the bank saying that they credited the money back into my account already. Thank God.

So? Shall i splurge on that pretty tan brown leather bag i saw at Ink at J8?

Decisions, decisions hehe.

The past week has actually been rather kind.

With the exception of the unfortunate incident with the depositing machine on thursday that is.

I bumped into Qhuzaimah at CausewayPoint on wednesday and she invited me to join her and seri for dinner at Pizza Hut! It was a special treat from her. :D

Thank You Zaimah!

Then yesterday, i had an impromptu dinner with zak, azimah and hafiz.

We even played some games.

That was the icing on the cake.

From "The first thing that i'm thinking of" to Fuzzy Wuzzy and BangBang.

I had no doubt that we were the loudest lot of people at TehTarik last night.

I can't wait for our 1st September date!

You guys always make me smile.

That's why people say that "Old is Gold"

One of the few people that know how to really make me laugh and unwind.

Thanks guys.


The tears have subsided, finally.

But im sure that it was just PMS and not me.


Fin.

Happy 42nd Birthday!


I miss you guys!

U know who you are! :D

I think its all the reminiscing of all the National Day's that i've missed over the past 3 years.

I still remember the Home Away From Home program we had during my time as EXCO.

That gorgeous cake. :D

Suli, stay tough okay? If i can go through a lot of heartache and pain the last sem, im pretty confident that u can make it through with flying colours too.

Take a look at this site. I'm somewhere in the front row.

On another note, I love my AI peeps too!

You guys still rock my socks lah!

Thanks Sree for sending me all the way back to my block, i was absolutely touched!

It still goes to show that there are still nice guys around.

And also to my dear Aisyah Spec, CONGRATS! I'm so happy for u!


Salam manis to all my friends at KL...another 2 weeks to go till i see u all.


Fin.

Pitstopp-ed

I 've not blogged so long that i might have forgotten how to.

The point is,

I'm just too lazy to switch on the laptop OR i simply haven't got the energy to blog.

But then today is a special day.

Its special cos i met up with the babes (and one guy) haha.

We went to Pitstop cafe and had the BESTest time EVER.

Trust me when i say that it was the bestest time ever.

I laffed till tears streamed out of my eyes and even my head throbbed after laffing SO MUCH.

Our source of entertainment,

mindless card games that had us screaming like banshees and fingers that got hurt by pressing a bell.

And i spilled my drink.

That's how rowdy it got.

We played SmartAss (and i mean that quite literally), Ugly Dollie (or was it doll), some counting game where we had to match the same fruits till the number 5 and some sound making game.

Oh. my. God.

It was so hilarious!

I can't believe how much fun we had!

Azimah was really really funny.

Whenever i keep replaying that scene in my head i just want to burst out laffing.

I wished that we had actually recorded the whole session.

*grinning like an insane idiot*

Mindless games i like.

We've already planned to make another outing to Pitstop soon. InsyaAllah.

To all my UIA frens, lets go when u're having your mid-term break.

You will definitely enjoy the atmosphere!

To my girls (and Hafiz): I loved the time we spent together! Thank God for friends like you! It really makes my day and sends all the dark clouds away.

Initially earlier this week, i was feeling really depressed and i was crying till i fell asleep.

Feelings of worthlessness and unworthiness seemed to just creep back into me.

Thankfully, the clouds have lifted.

Thank you to ALL my friends.

Thanks Nora kerana melayankan i last night! :D I miss our late night chats and gossip!

I hope next wednesday will materialise, cos i really would love to meet the AI crew, Devilic Angels and the rest.

7 years on and im already reminiscing.

Belum lagi 10 tahun grad dari sec sch.

Anyway, i should go to bed now.

Diana's wedding tomorrow...

That's gonna be another AI reunion in itself.

Not bad for a more-than-a-week-long hiatus.

Till then.


Fin.

Whoever YOU are...


I know your heart was in the the right place but it didn't have to go so far as to leave him a comment or a message.

Especially on Friendster.

It was chivalrous but it kinda backfired.

Cos right now, im at the receiving end.


And YOU who have been so unkind in words, if YOU were so unhappy with what was said,

couldn't YOU have msged him YOURSELF and settle with him.

Why make me out to be the culprit?

Sorry, i forgot. You don't know how to work Friendster.

My bad.


Fin.

Mirror mirror on the Wall.


It has been a very LONG and trying week.

Least of all the trip that i took to KL.

I made it in one piece, although i was worried about my safety.

But alhamdullillah i reached UIA close to 6.30pm on wednesday and even managed to hit the pasar malam once more.

I went boggle eyed at all the DVDs.

I bought Transformers, License to Wed, Ocean's 13, 300, and of course Fantastic Four.

I didn't even wait to get home to watch the dvds.

The moment i settled into Suli's room, we flipped open her swanky laptop and watched License to Wed together with Za.

The clearance went very smoothly. Very unexpected. but im glad that it was over quickly.

Thanks to all my mates especially Suli and Dayah for putting me up in your rooms. Much appreciated.

At this point i can't wait to convo!

I mean it is the highlight of the whole journey of receiving your degree.

Wearing the gown...*unfortunately UIA has got not mortarboard. im kinda bummed*

I'm having a rush akin to a sugar high just by talking about it. :D

Anyway, im not bummed out about the whole issue that got me down the whole of last weekend.

I'm over it.

I mean if he's ready to move on then so be it.

If it really makes him happy, then i'll just be glad for him. *even if it kills me to say it*

Well then, whats with the title to today's post?

It's got to do with the mirror in my bathroom.

One of the clips decided to give way after 10 years of dutiful service.

So now, there isn't a mirror in the bathroom.

Which really strikes me as weird.

All you see on the wall is the wall behind which the mirror used to be placed.

I mean a bathroom MUST have a mirror!

Okay i can see some pple trying to make sense of what i just typed above. Haha.

Anyway, i would like to wish a certain Netty Ryanie Kamaruzaman, Selamat Pengantin Baru!You look gorgeous (as always!)

It was great being there at your wedding. The decor was great and the food was MARVELLOUS *even though i didn't get to try them all. but just looking at it already made my mouth water.*

It was nice to see a lot of old faces.

The ones from secondary school.

I never thought that we'd all grow up.

It seems only like yesterday that we were in school, attending the classes and sitting for the exams.

And one by one you're all getting married.

Its like one BIG wake up call after another.

In two weeks time Diana is getting married. And in October, Eliza.

Geez...korang semua pakat ke nak kawen tahun ni? Hehe

Like i said to Huda earlier today, i like that warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy.

Weddings I like!

In 2 weeks time, the 3 musketeers unite! Thank God.

For a moment it felt a bit weird NOT having Rock around.

Anyhow, its time for bed and im pooped!


Fin.

This Sux.

I've been moping the past few days.

I don't know why.

Maybe its the PMS coupled with the SURPRISE that i found out on saturday.

I've been extremely moody and grumpy.

I guess the trip to KL tomorrow is coming at an apt time.

In the mean time, i'm mulling over tomorrow's interview...

*what to wear? what to say?*

Fin.

The Ego Takes A Bruise.


I've been replaced.


And it HURTS like hell.


Help...


Fin.

Procrastinate(-ion)


Since i've started to tutor, ive been pretty LAAAAZZZYYYYY.

But pls dun get me wrong hor.

I've done nothing other than housework.

And that itself just saps SO much energy.


-im starting to sound very much like a desperate housewife-


hey but everything's good. alhamdullillah.

my name is officially on the graduates list! *yeay-ness*

and i'll probably be heading over to KL next week to do my clearance.

plus i'll have my babe Azimah with me.

*Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee* shopping with Zimah will be crazy ;) kewl

The results didn't get me jumping up and down with joy.

But alhamdullillah i've passed. With a respectable grade.

Anyway, im gonna get off the pc now cos i have to get ready for tuition later in the evening.

-I'm missing you guys! Boo hoo...no more teh ais :(


Fin.

Hullo? Anybody there?

I know i havent been updating much. I've been busy. Yes...amidst all the chores.

I haven't really been watching tv. Only on weeknights do i get to catch up with my tv shows.

In the daytime its all chores.

Today has proved that i am kinda getting mixed up with all my schedules.

I've successfully gotten 2 tuition assignments and alhamdullillah, they're both in the north area (both ONE bus ride, save on my transport money hurhur)

I started on tuesday and i had another tuition session yesterday.

I THOUGHT i had another tuition session today in yishun.

I even ironed out all my clothes and my tudung and about 25 minutes ago, i checked my calendar and LO & BEHOLD

No tuition today.

Crap.

Oh well...

Back to watching Emil Emilda on youtube.

This and other pictures can be found

here.

the 3 lovely ladies *grins*

selamat "mengangkat sumpah" girls hehehe...

Fin.

Tagged.


Because everyone else seems to not want to "halo" me, i guess this is for the best.

People, pls scroll down the sidebar to make use of my tagboard okay??

So what have i been up to this past week.

I didn't really leave the house.

Although i did go to the pasar malam next to the yishun mrt station.

*i had a serious hankering for vadai* (p/s: it was REALLY good!)

What i've done this past week was:


1) do laundry (hanging & folding)

have i mentioned how much i HATE folding the clothes?


2) cook

3) clean the house, the room (and pretty much everything else that needs cleaning)

4) watch tv. (although i haven't gotten around to watch tv till it explodes, i'll make gd on my promise *winks to Nora*)

5) missing "someone" like crazy (NO, i haven't gotten over it yet.)

6)look for employment.

7) waiting for "THE" letter.


So yeah, that's most of it.

The good news is, i've already got 2 tuition assignments. *Yeay*

So that means some moolah so that's kinda pleasing to the pocket (esp. with the GST increase this SUNDAY)

Now that my grandmother is here for the weekend, i'll be accompanying her to her hospital and polyclinic appointments.

I can't wait to go to Sentosa next Monday! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


Fin.


*note to self: I am NOT going to the Christina Concert. Boo hoo. :( *

Just Beachy!

*hint hint* that was the bag for the day...it matches the theme for the day!

that's another hint. the contrast between the green and the blue, i just love it!

I love being home!

there's another OBVIOUS hint...it was still early so there weren't that many pple around. the guys in the background were skimming on the waves.

I went to the beach; with my girlies!

from left: Shahidah, Azimah & Zakiah

Below are the gerls setting up...

that was our lunch for the day: azimah's famed mac and chicken salad! its yummy and always a crowd pleaser :D

i call this pic...windswept

We played this by the beach...

Monopoly; the Uniquely Singapore Edition

that's my token, the Merlion

shahidah the trishaw, zak the singapura Cat, Azimah the one with the flashy car and thats me at the end.

getting into the swing of things...

All those are my properties. But even that didn't stop me from going BANKRUPT!

At the end of over 4 hours of play, i was declared bankrupt after landing on som very pricey property.

What caused my demise... landing on expensive property with FOUR houses on it!
I owed like $20 000+++

Azimah owned the MOST expensive properties with 4 houses on each of the Blue strips!

Even after mortgaging my property, i still couldn't cover the rent!

All in all, Azimah was made the rightful winner.

She wiped me out DRY.
You know the expression "kering kontang"?

That was EXACTLY it.


After a long day at the beach (the weather was really² good! and really² windy!)

We packed up and left for home at 5.30pm

I really enjoyed the trip. I was practically squealing when i got to the beach. :D

Even though i lost, i still ended up with a smile on my face.

*grin*

Fin.

Home Sweet Home (For Good!)

Reached home close to 9am this morning.

I'm exhausted.

The mental and physical exhaustion that is.

I'm finally home and i've more or less graduated.

Now to wait for the exam results.

Suddenly the 3rd of July seems sooooo long.

I want to say a heartfelt thanks to Nora especially for putting up with my hormonal urges (food-wise yah!) and my emotional moodswings.

Thanks for listening to me gripe.

Thanks for the2 most memorable sessions at Chili's! (and the Caramel Mocha Frappucino with Java Chip ---> skrg tgh mengidam White Choc Blended from Coffee Bean hohoho)

I still crave those southwestern eggrolls & mashed potatoes.

Kalau i pregnant one day and i crave those foods, matilah suami saya *harhar*

Ok, i've had enough of staring at the computer screen.

I'm going to take a nice Long HOT shower and SLEEP!

*yeay! i survived 3.5 years of cold showers. Back to my normal routine!*

Fin.

p/s: the papers went well alhamdullillah. I could actually do the arabic exam paper!

One for the road...


Just wanted to make another quick entry.

One more week here and i will officially be a graduate come 18th of June. (more like the 17th June after 11am. just to be precise haha.)

Thank you to all who have supported me through thick and thin.

If i have offended you in any way, please forgive me.

I don't think i'll be blogging until i get back to singapore that is.

2 more exams.


13th: Literary Theory and Criticism (3pm)

17th: Foreign Language for BENL (aka Arabic) (9am)


After that im home FREEE!


I plan to take the train back home.

It will be a solo journey.

Got lots of thinking to do.

*Although i probably think i will be thinking in my sleep*

Come the 18th i will be celebrating my new status with my family (and celebrating my cuzzin's 21st bday also)

Yahooo!

One more week.

This will undoubtedly be the LONGEST week of them all.

Pray for me k guys.


Hugs, love and kisses


Mary.


Fin.

My Word Of The Day...

Chili's (NOT k.a.n.t.o.i)

i love the decor and the menu too!

the look of pure concentration...

so many nice things to try....hmmm...should i try the monterey chicken

or should i try the country fried chicken???

this is the before pic.


this was ms. mourinho's

this was mine.

the chicken was fried perfectly. it was nice & tender.

the whipped potato was the best i've ever tasted in my whole entire life.

its creamy goodness would just send you to heaven and back again.

the corn.

oh. my. god.

no words can explain. i had never been a big fan of corn up until last friday.

the corn was steamed to perfection with the perfect blend of cajun spices and butter.

this was how the meal ended.

a perfect meal; with cherry on top.

which is why i looked so happy and content last friday evening.

thanks for the company ms. nore!

Chili's again when i come for clearance?

Yes please!

FIN.

p/s: more pics coming your way!

Dazed.


While this repeat of Satisfaction is playing, i just want to say:

I have 12 freaking days left here! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I know a lot of people will get upset after reading this.

No, i won't forget any of you InsyaAllah.

Its that sense of relief after doing this programme for 3 and a half years.

I am kinda getting burned out.

Which is why i am hitting the cinema before my exams with my ms. nore mourinho.

Shrek the 3rd will be awaiting us.

Lovely.

Then we'll hit Chili's and Starbucks.

We're preparing for sleepless nights after that. hahaha.

Must put in a LOT of effort for arabic.

If ONLY he smiled a lot more in class. *dreamy sigh*

unfortunately for US, he's married.

kalau tak kiter dua dah berMadu kan? *wink*


Alahhhh, lepas ni kiter dah takleh hang out hari-hari kat my room. Now that is a travesty.


On other fronts, im holding up well strangely enough.

I'm just worried about the aftermath that i have to deal with after the exams are over and i'll be home for good.

im having a 2nd case of tonsilitis. this time i had the sense to go and find out what was happening to me BEFORE it gets any worse.

And yes, the doctor did confirm that it was tonsilitis.

So at least im now on medication before i can't get anything down my oesophagus.

12 days.

I am so going to miss ALL of you here.

You all know who you are.

You have touched my life and made it a better experience here at uia.

No more late nights, no more soccer matches with the girls, no more ramadhan at uia.

and now that im heading home, its seems so surreal.

No one's on the other side waiting.

That's what hurts the most.


Fin.

Ironically...


the song i uploaded (katharine mcphee's over it), actually came before the actual incident.

hah.

how's that for spooky. did i predict this was going to happen on some subconcious level?

who knows?

Thank YOU for the concerned email.

I didn't want to tell you this happened becos of all the things i mentioned in the email.

Yes, my eyes are swollen.

A mixture of sleeplessness + crying + studying for my Arabic midterm.

Don't worry.

I've weathered worse things in life.

This is nothing.

I know i'll have the last laugh in the end.


That wasn't very nice of you to have said all those things to me. You're accusations are really unfair. But don't worry, i won't harbour any ill-feeling towards you


I really don't have time to deal with this.

I have an assignment due next week, a final exam next week as well and my final papers are in less than 2 weeks time.


Please God, give me the strength so that i can pull through this tough time. Amin.


This weekend's trip back home will be bittersweet.

My parents will be leaving for their umrah.

Something that struck me when my father mentioned this last saturday:


this pilgrimage ur mother and i are taking has many lessons which you can learn from. The most important lesson of all is that your parents won't always be around with you. This is the time that you learn to conduct yourselves with your brothers and sisters.


It rings true.

I'm going to miss them. A lot.

But i know that they'll pray for me when i have to take my final two papers.

I pray for your safe journey to the Holy Land, and your safe return to the arms of your family. Amin.


I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!


Fin.

Riddle me this...


Because the finality of it hurts me.

Because i keep feeling that this is so surreal.

But whatever happens, it happens for a reason.


Because we were not meant for each other.


Thanks for all those that rallied around me during this time of hardship

I admit the timing isn't great at all.

But at least i know that i'll emerge a stronger person.

Thank you once again.

I love you guys a lot.


Fin.

Bewildered.


That's the feeling of the moment.

This week has truly been a test.

It still is.

Till i rectify the problem i will still be feeling like this.

But it doesn't just affect me on THAT level, but its also got to do with something that will be happening tonight.

I love my friends here.

Nothing can change that.

They've seen me through all my crazy moments and helping me feel NOT so homesick.

I love you guys so much!

Tonight is my farewell (graduation programme).

Tonight i share the spotlight with my fellow compadres who have seen me from my 1st year.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

I remember going for my first farewell programme.

And i couldn't help but think: When is my turn coming?

Now that it is truly here, i really don't want to leave.

I remember initially having so much anxiety leaving home.

Compared to the rest in my batch, i felt that i was truly leaving my comfort zone because i literally knew NO ONE.

I was terrified.

To make things worse, i was the pioneer singaporean student taking the english degree programme at IIUM.

So when i entered my english classes, i was like a fish out of water.

I remember feeling like turning back and running through the door.

I left my home, i left ALL my friends and i left my comfort zone.

Everything i knew was back home.

And, to make things even MORE worse, I was the only one from my batch that was thrown to the hostel on the hill.

So i was literally an island by myself.

I am by nature a person who RESENTS change like the plague.

But as time flew by, and i got to know some people from my course, i felt much better.

Going to classes were no longer a chore.

Seeing familiar faces especially Firah (i owe u many, many thanks) made the time spent here much more bearable.

I. LOVE. Going to my lectures.

The lecturers i will definitely miss.

I am going to miss Mr. Colonial, Dr. Adrian Hare (the man that stumbled on my blog. Eeeekk!), Kak Mei, Kak TJ, Ms. Afifah, Dr. Subra, Dr. Faridah, Dr. Engku and all the other lecturers that taught me.

This was the learning journey that will last a lifetime and hopefully an ETERNITY.

So now that I'm graduating, change seems to loom its frightening face at me again on the horizon.

But i guess after being here, I'm confident that i will be able to fight the waves of nausea and anxiety (not forgetting tears) that will bring me to my next journey in life.

I am going to promise myself not to cry tonight.

But then, promises can sometimes be broken.

Especially in emotional times.

Must not forget to pack the tissues tonight.


So remember kids: Be careful for what you wish for because you might really get it and you'll be caught unaware.


So, today marks 26 more days of my undergraduate life here in IIUM.

This is not goodbye.

Merely farewell.

For all my family and friends, thanks for being supportive and always challenging me to do better.

I don't think i could have gotten through this without your love and support. Thanks.


Fin.

Its out in the open now.


No more hiding already.

She spilt it.

Honestly, she kept it in for quite a long time oredi.

She burst like a dam.

I read her like a book.

It doesnt just work the other way. It works both ways.

Right now, i feel terrified.

I feel like having the ground swallow me.

I'd be lying if i said i was okay.

I'm NOT.

I really am NOT.

im scared and sad.

sad to find out that everyone isn't behind me.

i know everyone wants what's best for me.

but really, i don't know whats happiness anymore.

i dunno whether its my happiness or its their happiness that i'm looking for.

no one's good enough for them i guess.

im afraid of losing my happiness.


Fin.

The Balik Kampung Experience.

I am exhausted.

I don't know how my grandparents do it.

But they do.

God only knows what kinds of activities they do when I'M not around.

My grandmother attempted to change the ropes to the blinds and climbed up a ladder.

-Shudder-

Other than that, they just enjoy the kampung lfestyle.

Go kenduri here and there, baca doa selamat, baca yasin...etc,etc.

Me and my cousin would have just been content to stay indoors and just watch tv the whole day.

But Akademi Fantasia took up like 3 hours on saturday night so that pretty much filled up the quota.

So last weekend, i encountered the strangest looking animal at my grandparent's house.

I saw a chicken without its tail feathers. And this gave the illusion that the chicken didn't have a butt.

HAH!

I was so amused.

Unfortunately i didn't snap a photo. It didn't occur to me to take a photo.

So im sorry that you wont get to see that sight hahaha.

But there are photos of my grandma's lambs.

There were 2 new babies.

And they were so damn cute!

I'll let the photos do the rest.

Say "cheese!"

My grandma and cousin, Amira (my sister's partner in crime)

Fin.

All Fevered Out.


Back in kampung sikai.

I started feeling a bit under the weather as of yesterday.

And things just kept getting worse as the day progressed.

My throat got scratchy.

I had a really² high fever.

It was only at 7.30pm did my fever break.

I was delirious.

So you can imagine how bad of a state i was in.

My friend says that my antibodies are weak. and i need plenty of rest.

Rest i like.

I could fall asleep at any point of the day.

Right now, i might just fall asleep at the computer.

Goodnight people.

Fin.

Hurrah!


After an excruciatingly long wait...

I got my last result for last semester's papers.

Alhamdullillah!

You can't even being to imagine how ecstatic i am to see that my cgpa has risen.

Tak sia-sia gi class 8.30am and duduk kat depan.

Heheh, dptkan berkat.

I have my grandparents here today.

They spent the night at my house and it was nice to have my grandfather boss my sister around.

It was definitely a nice change.

Anyway, i will have to make my way down to IMM to get my ex-roomies those retractable poles to hang their curtains up.

I really pity them cos their room has an unpleasant view of the construction site.

Im glad to have gotten the same room again.

Have a good weekend!


Fin.

Denial.


Yes. I am home.

Why?

Cos on the 26th of april it was designated the coronation day.

Therefore public holiday for us.

And i took the opportunity to ponteng my class on friday.

Hoho.

Mc-lah...

Why am i in denial you might ask?

Because it has finally sunk in.

Yes, like Duchess once mentioned:

Yeah, one day then you'll know what it feels like to be a biiig kakak.

People are calling me kak Mary these days.

I can't believe that Anuar called me 'Kak'.

Which was why i purposely didn't respond when he called me kak to share some of his mentos.

Hohoho.

I love coming home.

Cos that means that i get to see the love.

I missed him so much!

Cos i haven't seen him since last thursday.

Tomorrow must meet him for a quick lunch before friday prayers.

On the menu tomorrow...LAKSA!

Yum.

Did i mention i got locked out from my room last night when i got home.

The sister wanted to keep my brothers out and didnt count on me coming back so soon.

So i got a crick in the neck cos i had to sleep in the living room, on the floor on a very uncomfortable little pillow.

So tonight i'll get some proper shut eye.

Good night.


Fin.

49 Long Days


I have this feeling that this semester is going to be a LOOOOONNNGGG one.

I should say that ONE of the lecturers is not being very receptive to students from my programme.

I don't understand why he had to do that.

I didn't think it was completely necessary.

I somehow feel insulted.

But then again he may have his reasons.

But i didn't ask to take that class okay.

It was forced upon me.

-Sigh-

Am i obsessed with the English languge?

Is it my fault that my parents taught me how to speak English first and not Malay as it should have been?

Why am i more fluent in English then?

So is it my fault that i am able to comfortably understand and express myself in this language?

Is it even a bad thing?

Then if he did mean to say all that, what about all our other Muslim brothers and sisters from other parts of the world that learn and come to understand the faith better in their own language?

I can't even understand religious books in Malay.

Aaaaarrrggghhh!

Why is it now that seeds of self-doubt seem to be sown?

Was it a mistake in the beginning to take this course at all?

I feel like im going to come down with my second panic attack of the week.

And possibly the semester.

And its not going to stop here either.


Fin.

Report Card Day


Gone are the days that i had to show my parents my report card to get it signed.

These days, i print them out and decide that whether i should show my parents.

*Fat hope*

Ouh well, at least the results show the amount of effort that i've continuously put in.

And alhamdullillah, i passed arabic with a respectable B-!

And amazingly i gained an A for my LE 4000. Considering the amount of times i always kene tekan by the lecturer.

Like i mentioned in my blog months ago, she only meant well and only desired for us to get the marks that we worked for.

So really slaving away at my paper that i spent countless of night worrying on paid off!

On the flipside, i haven't gotten my grade for Research Methodology.

I've already made the calculations, even an estimation on the RM grade, and i'm not getting on that dean's list.

It just goes to show i'm just your average student.

But at least i know that i've worked hard on the grades.

Thanks to family and friends for support.

And Baby, thank you for being there always. Although your methods of making me concentrate on my studies left me a bit perplexed, i'm glad you did.

I love you.


Did i mention WE turned ONE on Monday?

Just for the kick of it, i prepared his lunch from Monday right thru till yesterday.

So it was lunchtime lovey dovey picnic for us. Hah.

I'm sure i made someone puke their lunch up after writing that.Hoho.

No grand presents, just quality time spent with each other.

I'm going to hate leaving this Sunday.


To my babes:

Really? We've known each other for 10 years? Gawd, i feel OLD.

I want CHALET, forget that i'm even broke.

Heheheh...


Fin.

Hmmmm...

I will never have peace writing this knowing that my father is behind me, watching me type this.

I made my second attempt at lasagne, and i am getting pretty good at it.

Hohoho.

I made chicken rice yesterday and the day before, i took my very first attempt at making asam pedas.

Honestly, malay cuisine is VERY difficult.

So is indian cuisine.

It is a perfect blend of spices and control of heat that make the food good.

Trust me.

Whatever Nigella and Jamie Oliver do, i can also do.

But to do an Asmah Laili is BEYOND me.

I have been trying to put my pics frm my hp into the pc/laptop but using the SD card adapter and plugging it into the pc also not working.

I dunno why the pc cannot detect my memory card.

So that is why there is a complete absence of photos in my blog as of late.

So i have no pics to show of my lasagne...

the already half eaten lasagne

Less than 3 hours to my exam results.

I feel like defecating just thinking about it.

Well enuf talking...more pics i say!

Arian gerls bday outing

LJS dinner...satisfied a craving

at sarah j's wedding

meet the newlyweds: sarah j. and erwan berori

Exco, exco and exco-ed

(thats me all red in the face suffering frm heat rash)

I hope this put an end to the monotony of all that writing.

Enjoy!

Fin.

Get OVER it.


Someone should realli be listening to katharine mcphee's song, Over It.

Realli,realli.

Stop living in the past and start living for today.

Some people instead of trying to rectify something, it becomes even more worse.

Grow up.

If it aint broke, you don't have to meddle with it.

Stop giving other people grief.

Even they've moved on.


Fin.

Copycat.


Sesetengah orang kat alam siber ni mmg suka sangat "men-copy" style orang lain eh?

Lepas tu, she tries to pawn it off as her own.

And coincidentally, she has names of friends that are just too similar to my ms. morientes.

And then she has so many spelling errors.

Maklumlah. Aku ni kan budak BENL, mata pun merah membaca.


I mean seriously, whoever buys a person a gift of a "heart pedal"

Cmon lah. Kalau tak tau spell pun, cuba sebut dulu, lepas tu spellchecker kan ader?

Option kan banyak.

Tak tau spell in english, spell it in malay can?

Comprende?

Oh better yet. Write it in MS word and then when u see the squiggly red line u can make the proper adjustments and then copy and paste to blogger.

See, who says im so bad?

I am sincerely trying to help the nation to improve the standard of english.


Wat i mean is...


BACK OFF *****!


Ok dah penat.

p/s: i do believe that congratulations are in order for the newly wed couple sarah jamaludin and erwan berori. Don't forget to come back after your honeymoon hor!


Fin.

Please help me!


Unbeknownst to some people. i am actually tucked away safe and sound at home.

Till the next week at least.

I have 7 days till the release of my results.

Oh god.

I am starting to feel all the butterflies in the tummy.

Anyway, i just wanted to see what was happening on the blogosphere.

On the contrary, having the wireless at home really has made me very lazy liao.

Cos its very leceh/ troublesome to have to pack and unpack the laptop.

So i just wait until the pc is free.

The birthday was bleargh

It doesn't get better as you get older.

The best things to happen was the surprise dinner party my roomies had for me.

Nice and tasty tomyam to go with my nasi goreng yongchow.

Yummy!

And then it was the movie date i had with my fellow Arian, Kho (aka my lesb partner) as she so affectionately put it. Harhar.

Thanks dear for that gorgeous and notty looking flower hehehehe.

I hope you enjoyed the chocolate cake!

All in all, i enjoyed the movie.

We caught The Namesake, a Jhumpa Lahiri book that both of us read.

It was made into a movie by Mira Nair.

I enjoyed her Monsoon Wedding but i wasn't particularly impressed with her take on Namesake.

Well, partly because i felt that the focus was shifted from Gogol to Ashima Ashok.

So i guess it just took the whole feel of the namesake away.

Well that is my personal opinion.

But i did enjoy Tabu's acting.

She's a real gem.

And Kal Penn, well, i feel that his role as Kumar in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle really immortalised Penn's character. So his take on Gogol didn't really envelop me.

Again, my personal opinion.

Maybe the whole problem is because i already read the book.

So there was a certain expectation that i needed from it.

Besides the movie, i have pretty much been at home and reading and cooking and watching tv and looking after the brother at home.

I went to Jurong East's library. I remember sneaking a peek at the Narayan range there and i felt that it deserved another look.

So this time, i picked up one chick flick and 3 Narayan titles.

The Guide rocked my socks so im hoping that the other books do the same for me too.

So, there's one more week till i get the results.

Oh darn.

Just one more week.

Then its less than 2 months that i'll be graduating!

Yikes!


Fin.

Bodoh sombong.


some people donno wat they say.

really.

i really wonder what the dictionary was made for.

SOMETIMES,

kalau dah salah tu salah lah.

arrrgghhhh.

and den padahal takde kene mengene dengan hidup orang tu.

wah kao. jeles ke pe tak dikutuk.

really frustrating!


that aside,

i met gorgeous katya from bavaria (thats in germany, for the rest of the population).

i rushed back by train last night.

i made it by a hair's breadth.

phew.

i didn't even meet katya until this morning when we woke up from (my-very-little) sleep.

somebody was really ROARING aka snoring!

the bunks on the train were really nice.

I hope to see u tomorrow katya!

auf wiederzein.


Fin.

Countdown...


4 down, 2 more to go.

BUMMER.

Oh well.

Whatever that gets me through this week.

Oh, the non-sleeping episodes are back!

Grrrrrr.

I can barely shut my eyes at night.

Time for Mr. Xanax to pay another visit tonight.

2 more days till the school holidays.


Sweet, sweet ecstasy...


Fin.

All the things i love...


Yes. i have made it back to kl again.

Nothing new.

3 more days of exams.

then i'll be free for 2 weeks.

hopefully 2 weeks of bliss.

my bday, then me & kho's bday movie treat and bday celebration

my anniversary (yipee!)

and a whole list of reading that i've already prepared to occupy myself with.

i've planned out some dishes that i'd like to try.

but right now, its those 3 papers i have to occupy myself with.

bummer.

oh well.

its back to the books and notes for world lit.


Fin.

Transmitted...


Al-Ghazali mentioned in his theory of mean (mean being the middle)

that to be a complete and whole person then one would require 4 things:

wisdom, justice, temperance and courage.

To my friends having a hard time out there, take these pearls of wisdom and use them to better your life.

InsyaAllah you will be rewarded.


On another note

i don't noe how to say it for fear of retaliation and harassment.

So i shall just keep quiet.

It is better to keep silent than say bad things at all.


Fin.

So much for...


the Xanax episode.

Once i got home i was sleeping like a baby.

Yeah, im home amidst the examination period.

Who couldn't do without a respite during an examination period?

It just so happened that i have a 7 day break in between.

So it was nice to come home and rest and relax and finally sleep like a proper human being.

I need sleep.

I am unable to function if i don't get at LEAST 4 hours of sleep.

Its called beauty sleep.

And the brain needs sleep to function at its best.

And i do so pride myself in being a brainiac.


Hah. Masuk bakul angkat sendiri nampak...no komen.


Its exhausting being back.

I havent been studying (baaaddd gerl)

I have been staying put at home though, save for yesterday when i went for an impromptu shopping trip with my mom.

I have been slaving away at the stove.

Okay maybe not slave.

I just enjoy being in the kitchen pottering around.

Too much of the Domestic Goddess in me.

When my mum's away at work i just naturally fill in that spot.

And Huda was (and still is) right. I am turning into my mother.

Don't know whether its too much of a good thing or too much of a bad thing.

At least if i am turning into my mom, im comforted of the fact that i'll be able to deliver a baby on my own.

Now that's another story for another day.

So i have been cooking for three days inclusive of today.<>
Wednesday: rice, kuah sardin and an omelette with fried veggies

Thursday: rice, tomyam, fried chicken and fried veggies again.

Today: Lasagne.

My virginal attempt at making lasagne. Not bad. I will have to practice boiling that pasta though.

Tomorrow i will relinquish and relegate all cooking duties back to mother dearest.

And now, back to my supposed study time. Tee hee hee.



Fin.

Xanax-ed


I know i said i would be away for some time but i just couldn't resist this very strong urge.

Especially when one has been sleep deprived for like 3 nights.

And mind you, i'm having sleepless nights during examination not by choice.

I'm definitely not the type to keep late nights and burning the midnite oil but unfortunately since i got to UIA, my body has reacted to examinations in this kooky manner.

I've only started to see the doctor as of last sem to get rid of the insomnia.

Trust me, you wouldn't want to see me.

I look worse than a wreck.

Lets see now


Xanax: noun
an antianxiety agent (trade name Xanax) of the benzodiazepine class.


Anxiety. Geez...

I wonder why i never ever felt anxious when i had to sit for the O's and A's.

I am so looking forward to get some shut eye tonight!

Bedtime will be at 10.30pm

That's the earliest i've been to bed.

Oh well, anything to keep me from falling asleep at my examination desk.


Fin.

Hello. Goodbye.


No its not goodbye, like forever.

(God forbid that i'll get sick of blogging)

Its more like so long.

I noe i havent been updating for a while now.

I mean can you really blame me?

Being a senior SUCKS okay?

I mean yeah you get the best lecturers as you go on up

-which has been a complete disappointment with the exception of Dr. Noorharun that is-

Argh.

Yes it really does suck.

The amount of time that you spend facing the laptop or pc is way longer than the time you see all your friends.

I remember reading Suli's blog griping moment about the tests and the assignments.

Yeah. it just consumes you to the point of no return.

The movie "NeverEnding Story" comes to mind.

Oh well. At least the ones that keep me sane are around.

And thanks girls for that lovely time just chilling around at Starbucks.

That made my day.

It was lovely.

Oh and i am so mad at that pathetic excuse for a man.

I can't believe him.

To do that to his gf and azimah.

And i heard he's heading to UIA.

I am not going to give him an easy time.

Sorry.

Not for the stunt that he pulled the other day at campus.


Well im here to say tht the exams have rolled around again.

Yes. The lovely and wonderful exams.

So i wont be around to blog much.

I'll probably come back after my birthday

~8th April people!~


So, au revoir and see you soon.


Fin.

Ta-daaaaahhhh!


i have made my come back y'ALL!

Ugh the last 2 weeks of february were a killer.

It was assignment after assignment after assignment right after coming back from the CNY break.

It feels like a chore going to class these days.

I can remember how many times i actually turned up to class.

Cos i skipped a tad too many times over the week.

But next week i hope that i don't do that same disappearing act again.

Too close to the exams.

Need those precious exam "study" tips from the lecturers.

Yes for some people i see you have your mouths open wide.

Yes close them before a fly gets in.

I can hear you all saying:

Eh? MARYAM tak Balik?

Hey at least i tak balik you know. Some people EVERY week also balik.

But of course they have their own reasons.

I just want to get all the assignments over and done with.

I've finally gotten the LE 4000 draft done.

Just needs a bit of tweaking and then it will be perfect.

I'm just worried about all the sources that i used.

She thinks that they are too outdated.

What am i supposed to do when the current trend of research is NOT what im working on?

Ugh.

I really wanna do well for this paper.

Ok...lets see.

What have i been doing these past 2 weeks that i've been here?

The weekdays aren't so bad cos you have classes to pre-occupy you but then when the weekend rolls around im like stumped.

Especially when you have a paltry student budget.

Last week i just stayed put in campus.

But this weekend, i mean today, i did a little grocery shopping before the exam period starts.

I hate going out during the exam period to look for stuff.

It minimises the revision time.

So tomorrow i have a movie date with Kho.

That gerl is simply elusive.

Very difficult to see you in campus these days you know!

Finally. A decent day out with some good company.

I can't wait to hang out with my friends this coming Saturday!

Especially the miss who is finally doing her last 10 weeks in practicum.

Yeay-ness.

And then a senior and close family friend Kak Yaya is gttg married on the 17th!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

At last!

Congrats Kak Yaya! Tak sabar nak tgk you naik pelamin.

You will definitely look gorgeous (even more so!) on your wedding day!

So before i bore you people out of your mind, i think i'll sign off.


Fin.