Tuesday, May 29, 2007


the song i uploaded (katharine mcphee's over it), actually came before the actual incident.


how's that for spooky. did i predict this was going to happen on some subconcious level?

who knows?

Thank YOU for the concerned email.

I didn't want to tell you this happened becos of all the things i mentioned in the email.

Yes, my eyes are swollen.

A mixture of sleeplessness + crying + studying for my Arabic midterm.

Don't worry.

I've weathered worse things in life.

This is nothing.

I know i'll have the last laugh in the end.

That wasn't very nice of you to have said all those things to me. You're accusations are really unfair. But don't worry, i won't harbour any ill-feeling towards you

I really don't have time to deal with this.

I have an assignment due next week, a final exam next week as well and my final papers are in less than 2 weeks time.

Please God, give me the strength so that i can pull through this tough time. Amin.

This weekend's trip back home will be bittersweet.

My parents will be leaving for their umrah.

Something that struck me when my father mentioned this last saturday:

this pilgrimage ur mother and i are taking has many lessons which you can learn from. The most important lesson of all is that your parents won't always be around with you. This is the time that you learn to conduct yourselves with your brothers and sisters.

It rings true.

I'm going to miss them. A lot.

But i know that they'll pray for me when i have to take my final two papers.

I pray for your safe journey to the Holy Land, and your safe return to the arms of your family. Amin.



Sunday, May 27, 2007

Riddle me this...

Because the finality of it hurts me.

Because i keep feeling that this is so surreal.

But whatever happens, it happens for a reason.

Because we were not meant for each other.

Thanks for all those that rallied around me during this time of hardship

I admit the timing isn't great at all.

But at least i know that i'll emerge a stronger person.

Thank you once again.

I love you guys a lot.


Wednesday, May 23, 2007


That's the feeling of the moment.

This week has truly been a test.

It still is.

Till i rectify the problem i will still be feeling like this.

But it doesn't just affect me on THAT level, but its also got to do with something that will be happening tonight.

I love my friends here.

Nothing can change that.

They've seen me through all my crazy moments and helping me feel NOT so homesick.

I love you guys so much!

Tonight is my farewell (graduation programme).

Tonight i share the spotlight with my fellow compadres who have seen me from my 1st year.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

I remember going for my first farewell programme.

And i couldn't help but think: When is my turn coming?

Now that it is truly here, i really don't want to leave.

I remember initially having so much anxiety leaving home.

Compared to the rest in my batch, i felt that i was truly leaving my comfort zone because i literally knew NO ONE.

I was terrified.

To make things worse, i was the pioneer singaporean student taking the english degree programme at IIUM.

So when i entered my english classes, i was like a fish out of water.

I remember feeling like turning back and running through the door.

I left my home, i left ALL my friends and i left my comfort zone.

Everything i knew was back home.

And, to make things even MORE worse, I was the only one from my batch that was thrown to the hostel on the hill.

So i was literally an island by myself.

I am by nature a person who RESENTS change like the plague.

But as time flew by, and i got to know some people from my course, i felt much better.

Going to classes were no longer a chore.

Seeing familiar faces especially Firah (i owe u many, many thanks) made the time spent here much more bearable.

I. LOVE. Going to my lectures.

The lecturers i will definitely miss.

I am going to miss Mr. Colonial, Dr. Adrian Hare (the man that stumbled on my blog. Eeeekk!), Kak Mei, Kak TJ, Ms. Afifah, Dr. Subra, Dr. Faridah, Dr. Engku and all the other lecturers that taught me.

This was the learning journey that will last a lifetime and hopefully an ETERNITY.

So now that I'm graduating, change seems to loom its frightening face at me again on the horizon.

But i guess after being here, I'm confident that i will be able to fight the waves of nausea and anxiety (not forgetting tears) that will bring me to my next journey in life.

I am going to promise myself not to cry tonight.

But then, promises can sometimes be broken.

Especially in emotional times.

Must not forget to pack the tissues tonight.

So remember kids: Be careful for what you wish for because you might really get it and you'll be caught unaware.

So, today marks 26 more days of my undergraduate life here in IIUM.

This is not goodbye.

Merely farewell.

For all my family and friends, thanks for being supportive and always challenging me to do better.

I don't think i could have gotten through this without your love and support. Thanks.


Sunday, May 20, 2007

Its out in the open now.

No more hiding already.

She spilt it.

Honestly, she kept it in for quite a long time oredi.

She burst like a dam.

I read her like a book.

It doesnt just work the other way. It works both ways.

Right now, i feel terrified.

I feel like having the ground swallow me.

I'd be lying if i said i was okay.

I'm NOT.

I really am NOT.

im scared and sad.

sad to find out that everyone isn't behind me.

i know everyone wants what's best for me.

but really, i don't know whats happiness anymore.

i dunno whether its my happiness or its their happiness that i'm looking for.

no one's good enough for them i guess.

im afraid of losing my happiness.


Monday, May 14, 2007

The Balik Kampung Experience.

I am exhausted.

I don't know how my grandparents do it.

But they do.

God only knows what kinds of activities they do when I'M not around.

My grandmother attempted to change the ropes to the blinds and climbed up a ladder.


Other than that, they just enjoy the kampung lfestyle.

Go kenduri here and there, baca doa selamat, baca yasin...etc,etc.

Me and my cousin would have just been content to stay indoors and just watch tv the whole day.

But Akademi Fantasia took up like 3 hours on saturday night so that pretty much filled up the quota.

So last weekend, i encountered the strangest looking animal at my grandparent's house.

I saw a chicken without its tail feathers. And this gave the illusion that the chicken didn't have a butt.


I was so amused.

Unfortunately i didn't snap a photo. It didn't occur to me to take a photo.

So im sorry that you wont get to see that sight hahaha.

But there are photos of my grandma's lambs.

There were 2 new babies.

And they were so damn cute!

I'll let the photos do the rest.

Say "cheese!"

My grandma and cousin, Amira (my sister's partner in crime)

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

All Fevered Out.

Back in kampung sikai.

I started feeling a bit under the weather as of yesterday.

And things just kept getting worse as the day progressed.

My throat got scratchy.

I had a really² high fever.

It was only at 7.30pm did my fever break.

I was delirious.

So you can imagine how bad of a state i was in.

My friend says that my antibodies are weak. and i need plenty of rest.

Rest i like.

I could fall asleep at any point of the day.

Right now, i might just fall asleep at the computer.

Goodnight people.