Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Bewildered.


That's the feeling of the moment.

This week has truly been a test.

It still is.

Till i rectify the problem i will still be feeling like this.

But it doesn't just affect me on THAT level, but its also got to do with something that will be happening tonight.

I love my friends here.

Nothing can change that.

They've seen me through all my crazy moments and helping me feel NOT so homesick.

I love you guys so much!

Tonight is my farewell (graduation programme).

Tonight i share the spotlight with my fellow compadres who have seen me from my 1st year.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

I remember going for my first farewell programme.

And i couldn't help but think: When is my turn coming?

Now that it is truly here, i really don't want to leave.

I remember initially having so much anxiety leaving home.

Compared to the rest in my batch, i felt that i was truly leaving my comfort zone because i literally knew NO ONE.

I was terrified.

To make things worse, i was the pioneer singaporean student taking the english degree programme at IIUM.

So when i entered my english classes, i was like a fish out of water.

I remember feeling like turning back and running through the door.

I left my home, i left ALL my friends and i left my comfort zone.

Everything i knew was back home.

And, to make things even MORE worse, I was the only one from my batch that was thrown to the hostel on the hill.

So i was literally an island by myself.

I am by nature a person who RESENTS change like the plague.

But as time flew by, and i got to know some people from my course, i felt much better.

Going to classes were no longer a chore.

Seeing familiar faces especially Firah (i owe u many, many thanks) made the time spent here much more bearable.

I. LOVE. Going to my lectures.

The lecturers i will definitely miss.

I am going to miss Mr. Colonial, Dr. Adrian Hare (the man that stumbled on my blog. Eeeekk!), Kak Mei, Kak TJ, Ms. Afifah, Dr. Subra, Dr. Faridah, Dr. Engku and all the other lecturers that taught me.

This was the learning journey that will last a lifetime and hopefully an ETERNITY.

So now that I'm graduating, change seems to loom its frightening face at me again on the horizon.

But i guess after being here, I'm confident that i will be able to fight the waves of nausea and anxiety (not forgetting tears) that will bring me to my next journey in life.

I am going to promise myself not to cry tonight.

But then, promises can sometimes be broken.

Especially in emotional times.

Must not forget to pack the tissues tonight.


So remember kids: Be careful for what you wish for because you might really get it and you'll be caught unaware.


So, today marks 26 more days of my undergraduate life here in IIUM.

This is not goodbye.

Merely farewell.

For all my family and friends, thanks for being supportive and always challenging me to do better.

I don't think i could have gotten through this without your love and support. Thanks.


Fin.