Saturday, June 19, 2004

What Feelings???

Lately...ive just been feeling...how do i describe it...EMPTY. I suppose its because of all the recent events that have gotten to me. Too much has happened in too little a short time frame. Now that I'm going back to KL and resume campus life for the next 2-3 months...i realise that this break really opened my eyes. Right now...i don't really know who i am anymore.
Im on the path of self discovery once more. I hope that this time it will open new doors for me and a brighter future perhaps. Most of all...i really miss the old me. I cant seem to remember who she was anymore...isnt that just disappointing?
Is it too much to ask for when u just want something so badly but u're JUST out of reach? I feel like im hovering in between 2 stages...im trying hard to reach the next level. I feel so out of myself. I don't know what to look forward to anymore. I cannot trust MY judgement anymore. Does this mean that i'll have to rely on another person...but then again can i even trust that other person? (I know im talking in circles but its just how my train of thought works, so bear with me)
One more thing that i'd like to add is the fact that I seem to have forsaken a friend and it was mentioned implicitly in her blog. Is it cos i have too many friends??? Can i possibly make time for all of them and not hurt anyone's feelings? But i do have to apologise...i might have been shallow. I might have made excuses but I AM SORRY. I hope she forgives me. She was there when i needed her and i dont think ive been there for her most of the time. So i'll say it again...Im REALLY SORRY. I dont know how i'll make it up to her but i surely will.
I've finally gotten my class schedule...I'll be busy on tuesdays and thursdays with literally back to back classes...wondering how i'll manage. HOWEVER, the silver lining in this is that i have NO classes on mondays, wednesdays and fridays...but i'd like to squeeze one more class on monday to make up for what seems to me as lack of credits to graduate FAST...an afternoon class that is so that i wont miss any monday classes if im tired from the journey back to campus the previous night whopeeeee! I'll definitely miss blogging, miss reading pples blogs and miss all my friends and family all over again (Yes i still do miss these things even though i come back weekly!)
I want to wish the 2 pple i thought were made for each other the best of luck in their individual undertakings in the future...
TO THE GUY: You could have at least waited a month or two before getting with another person....have a heart for the other party.I'm kinda disappointed too cos i kinda looked up to the both of you as "the perfect couple". guess things don't come perfect anymore these days. I'm also disappointed cos i never thought you'd stoop this low.

TO THE GERL (i just hope you read this): I feel for you...i know how it feels like to have to throw 10 mths in the trash. Your efforts were indeed immense in preserving the sanctity of tht r'ship. i know you'll move on cos u're one of the most strongest individuals ive ever known and i still look up to you.

Now then, back to my search for prince charming....